


Bruce Banner

by spiderfool



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical marijuana, Science Bros, Weed, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 19:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16311527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderfool/pseuds/spiderfool
Summary: Bruce Banner was a scientist, an Avenger, and almost fifty years old; he had definitely seen some weird things over the course of his life, as did everyone. Nothing, however, could have prepared him for this specific breed of weird.(or, Bruce finds a very special strain of medical marijuana)





	Bruce Banner

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thecumberbinch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecumberbinch/gifts).



> this entire fic is centered around drugs (although completely legal)  
> if this is a trigger for you or bothers you in any way, i wouldn't suggest reading this  
> also thanks to Pan_Princess for beta-ing this for me!

To be honest, Bruce had seen plenty of strange things in his life. He was turning forty-nine after all. And he did have a tendency to turn into a giant green rage monster.

Bruce was a scientist who specialized in gamma radiation. His best friends were billionaires, hundred-year-old super soldiers, enhanced assassins, and a literal god. Even his more “normal” profession of being an MD caused him to be around some strange shit. In hindsight, he should have seen something like this coming; but nothing could’ve truly prepared Bruce for what he saw that morning.

He was just getting errands done: Ordering groceries, filtering through his hundreds of thousands of emails, starting to file his taxes entirely too early, checking up on his health care plan, “grown-up people stuff” as Peter had put it once.

Admittedly, checking his healthcare plan was really just habit at this point; Tony made sure that everyone who was associated with the Avengers had full healthcare coverage. He didn’t use his billions of dollars in net worth and political power for nothing after all. He knew he didn’t really  _ have _ to do anything other than keep researching gamma radiation and whatever spider-bullshit Peter got into on occasion, but Bruce liked to keep just a tiny semblance of normalcy whenever allowed.

So, he was ordering his medication on his local dispensaries website. That just so happened to be marijuana.  _ That _ wasn’t exactly that strange. It is the twenty-first century after all. And it was perfectly legal to smoke a little pot to keep his ridiculously high stress levels at bay. And it's not like he wouldn’t have even if it  _ wasn’t  _ perfectly legal; he’d been smoking weed since he was sixteen and he’d been growing Cynthia on his windowsill for two years before he decided to move her to his rooftop greenhouse a few blocks down.

So he was just making a small cart that he’d be able to pick up later when he was feeling productive enough to actually leave the tower. Truth be told, he really could just have the meds brought up to him, but it was nice to actually get out once in a while, get some semi-fresh air. He had just added his usual gummy worms and oil meant for a vape, when something caught his eye on the page: his name.

Bruce took a little bit of double take; there couldn’t be any reason whatsoever as to why his name was on the page. He must’ve read it wrong.  _ Au contraire  _ he thought to himself as he scrolled down the page just a little bit more and re-read what was there.

**_Bruce Banner –5 Stars –779 Reviews_ **

_ Well shit. _ This was so far off anything Bruce thought could happen while simply placing an order for medication. He really just wanted to bring down some of the heightened anxiety he’d had after a close call with Hulk.

“This is precisely why I can't have nice things” the man mumbled, slightly annoyed. This was kind of insulting and irritating on some level, but Bruce couldn’t deny that something was strangely intriguing about this. It couldn’t hurt to at least look at the page. So, he clicked.

 

_ Bruce Banner might be best known as the ultra dangerous green rage monster, The Hulk, but maybe he wouldn’t be such a stressed out ball of anger if he just had some of his namesake strain. This green monster also has hidden strength and features dense nugs that pack the power of very high THC content. It’s a powerful strain whose effects come on quickly and strong and then tend to settle into a euphoric and creative buzz. _

 

As Bruce skimmed the description for the strain, he couldn’t help but chuckle a little despite himself; it was kind of funny to have a strain of weed named after himself. And the description of the flavors and the high actually sounded like something he’d like.  _ Fuck it _ he thought, clicking his mouse, and adding a couple doses to his cart.

  
  
  


“Tony, for chrissakes will you please go bother someone else for twenty minutes?”

“C’mon man, sharing is caring!” Tony cried. “And it’s like, 10 AM on a Tuesday. Almost everyone we know have real jobs.”

Bruce sighed heavily, scrubbing a hand down his face. “For the last time, Tony, it’s medicine. I had to get this prescribed to me. I have to carry a card in my wallet for it. It is absolutely illegal for me to share with you.”

Tony had to roll his eyes at that. “Robert Bruce Banner, since when have you  _ ever _ cared about the law? No, really, that question wasn’t rhetorical.”

“Really? To– Fuck it. Fine.” Bruce caved, shoving the baggie into Tony’s hand. “My rolling papers are in my room, on the bedside table.”

“Thanks, pal.” Tony smirked, patting Bruce’s shoulder, and making his way off of Bruce’s couch down the hall to his bedroom. Bruce sighed once again, and also made his way off the couch, walking into his kitchen; he was already hungry enough with the Hulk inside him without the pot.

He was still taking the plastic off a bag of microwave popcorn when a deafening cackle came from the other room. Bruce sighed for just about the millionth time that afternoon, shutting the microwave door. He didn’t even have to ask just what was so goddamn funny; he knew exactly what Tony had just found.

“Bruce…   _ please  _ tell me you had something to do with the–” Tony had to stop talking he was laughing so hard. “– oh so hilarious name of this strain.” The last syllable he spoke broke off into yet another high pitched cackle.

“No, Tony, I had nothing to do with the strain. I jus–”

“You just saw your name and had to get it? Am I rubbing off on you Brucie-bear? God, I didn’t peg you as  _ that  _ vai–” Tony’s voice got gradually louder as he re-entered the room.

“It’s not funny Tony! I saw the characteristics of the  _ strain _ and decided to order it, Tony, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me.” Bruce finally finished his statement. “And it’s actually pretty good despite the stupid name.” he mumbled, suddenly feeling bashful about this entire situation. It wasn’t like he was ashamed for smoking or having bought this particular strain; he just didn’t expect for anyone to find out he did. At least not someone as ostentatious as Tony.

“Okay, you have to admit, Bruce. This is pretty funny. In its own super weird and kinda messed up way.” This earned nothing more than an eye-roll from Bruce. “Bruce. You have a strain of cannabis named after you. It’s pretty damn funny. You don’t have to be so serious about it.”

“I guess it is kinda funny.” the other man conceded in a low voice. It  _ was  _ pretty funny.

“Hell yeah it is. Now roll me a joint man, you know I’m terrible at it.”

Bruce had to roll his eyes once again at that. A world renowned mechanic and innovator who worked almost exclusively with his hands couldn’t even roll a joint.  _ How ironic.  _ Bruce once again made his way to his living room, grabbing the baggie and rolling papers from Tony’s hand and plopped back down on the couch.  _ Fuck it _ . He thought once again, fishing around in the small decorative wicker basket under his coffee table for his grinder.  _ I could be doing something much more boring than smoking self-titled pot with Tony Stark. _

**Author's Note:**

> btw this is actually very [real](https://www.leafly.com/hybrid/bruce-banner)


End file.
